ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this beer tastes like vomit already
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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