i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
