Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
