Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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