you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
