Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
