its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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