that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
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Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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