I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
