That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
