i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Randomize
