perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
