3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she peed on how many people?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
