remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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