Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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