glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
