Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
