Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
