I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
