Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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