So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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