Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
