I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
