tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
