I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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