I wish my penis had an off switch
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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