I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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