I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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