He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
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His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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