i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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