Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
