I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You smell like stripper and shame
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
