watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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