and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
