I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
ttyl tear gas
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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