I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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