It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
