That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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