It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
