No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I forgot how hot balto sounded
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
