Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
