Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
