Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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