he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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