Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
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So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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