Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
