can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
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That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
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If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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