God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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