I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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