Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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