Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
