Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
