Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
