My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
