Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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