if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
