Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
