there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.