a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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