it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
