dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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