my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
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Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night