she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
