We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
