My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
