I think my vagina is haunted
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
