I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
