You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
even my farts smell like vagina
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
