my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
