Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
