he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Im part way to drunk.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
