I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
