All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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