She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
