He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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