Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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