he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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