I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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