You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You took a bar mat shot.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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