Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
