Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
