At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
it's great music for shaving your balls
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
