Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
