there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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