you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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