i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
