So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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