So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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