We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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